POST SCRIPT TO YESTERDAYS LETTER TO MR. UN SECURITY GENERAL:

Kofi, my man, me compadre,

One more thing for you to think about - whaddya say we move the United Nations to Staten Island? As I was in the car this morning doing my normal commute, I was confronted by a ton of traffic related to the meetings of all the heads of state this week, worsened only by the arrival of our own president George W. Bush. Traffic, as you know, in this city can be a bitch. (excuse my French, but you know how much of a bitch it can be). Now the move to Staten Island would do much more than alleviate the traffic problem. This is why I"ve cc'd Mr. Bloomberg, the fine mayor of this city. Mike, pay attention because this will appeal to your business sense as well as your corporate leanings. A proposed new UN on Staten Island would accomplish the following:
1.Better safety for the people of Manhattan. As you are both aware, the UN causes quite a security risk for those of us who live and/or work in Manhattan. This means not only a heightened sense of fear on the days when UN sessions are running, but it means extra police. Extra police cost extra money. No one chooses to go to Staten Island, therefore the security risks would be lower. Also, most NYPD live in Staten Island. They would want to protect their home, and would probably patrol for free. Kofi, out of this deal, you get greater safety for UN delegates, Mike, you get to save some money.
2.The construction of a new UN Building. While this may cost money, lord knows the US hasn't paid its dues in years anyway, so this could come out of the UN budget instead of the city's, not costing an already hurting city anymore money. And with it comes the creation of JOBS. Mike, this could help you get reelected, bringing down the level of unemployment, people will shout "Kudos!" and you'll bolster spending and faith in the dollar. Kofi, I know this looks like a raw deal, having to foot the bill and all, but get trump involved. Call it the Trump UN and he'd foot the bill. It'd probably come with a really nice casino (what do you mean fresh kills isn't an Iriquois reservation?) and full service spa. Also, think of all the other modern amenities you could have. In addition we could rename the area Kofi Annan Plaza (instead of Dag Hammerskjold Plaza).
3. Plenty of parking. This way diplomats wouldn't have to park in front of hydrants, in tow away zones, or other such inconvenient places. And Mike, since you can't ticket these cars anyway, at least you can get their seven bucks each time they go over the Verrazano.
In other words, the United Nations moving its HQ from the east side of Manhattan to Staten Island is a win/win/win situation. I have a full powerpoint presentation I'd be more than happy to share. We should do lunch.

Best to Mrs. Annan and the Children,

Andrea

Cc: Michael Bloomberg, Mayor New York City