Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

What's love got to do with it

Dear Universe,

We have a bone to pick with you. We've told our fabulous readers this before, but Valentine's Day is a particularly unlucky day for us. There has been food poisoning, high ankle sprains, back spasms, cutting thumbs to need stitches, and 2nd degree burns. We've asked you repeatedly to leave us alone on this fine day. And knowing our bad relationship with this day of love, this year we even joked to the Gaybie the day before that if we were smart we should stay in bed.

So let us ask you, Universe, what kind of sick perverted sense of humor do you have? Because we dremt of staying in bed uninjured, you decided that we would wake up with so much back pain that we physically COULDN'T get out of bed? For 4 DAYS. We had to have Mrs. Robinson steal painkillers and bring us food. We had to crawl to the bathroom. We're sorry, but that's just wrong.

Its been two weeks, and we can still barely walk, barely sit and barely stand. At least after MRIs and XRays, we finally got our diagnosis: we have two bulging discs, a pinched nerve, spasming muscles, and we somehow have a hip bone that rotated itself out of position so the right side of ourpelvis is a full inch higher than the left. Thats not cool. Thats also a whole lot of pain.

As an alternative, we would officially like to request our own personal free pass next year, Universe. It would be perfectly fine with us to go from February 13th straight to February 15th. Make that happen.

Thank you!

The VTB Team


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