ROUND TWO, GAME 7 - Someone's Headed for a TKO

Dear Tom Menino and the rest of the City of Boston.

As you may or may not know, I spent the last two years of my youth idling the time in your fair little hamlet on the Atlantic seaboard. I've driven through the big dig. I've overpaid racketeering cab drivers at 2am because there's no public transportation running (I mean, if you think the night owl counts, you may want to see how other cities handle getting people to and from places efficiently). I tailgated at BC football games. I attended a Harvard/northeastern hockey game in the midst of the beanpot tournament. I have rollerbladed down the esplanade, laughed at the geeks from MIT, and scoured the entire city for a good coffee shop that isn't starbucks. (finally finding this one). I've watched people I don't know sit in long narrow boats while a man they call the coxswain shouts directions at the Head of the Charles. I've gotten lost dozens of times on your backasswards idea of how a city should be designed. I've seen your celtics and your bruins play at the fleet center (a sad, cold corporate version of what once was the fabled boston garden) I've made hundreds of left turns at the dunkin donuts. I have sat back and watched you elect a man named Mitt as your governor. I have spent many a night drinking in your pubs, and watching grown men beat the shit out of each other outside places with names like Jose McIntyre's and The Harp. And yes, I have even been to the hallowed halls known as Fenway Park, quite a few times. (I was even tossed from the Cask once, but that's another story for another day).

In all of my varied activities in Boston, I have been routinely followed by chants of "Yankees Suck!" You people shout this everytime more than two of you get together. Sometimes you even shout it if there's just one of you but you're holding two beers. Its like this security blanket you hold onto to make yourself feel better for living in place that can't even bother to put up street signs or keep their bars open past 2. (Don't even get me started on the absolute LACK of diners). It used to bother me, hearing this at places that seemed totally unrelated to anything baseball oriented. Plus, it just seemed kind of silly.

My father, having grown up a stone's throw from Yankee Stadium is a Yankee fan. My older brother is a Yankee Fan. I have learned everything I know about sports from them. Hence, I am a Yankee fan too. They're my hometown team. Yes, we may have "the best team that money can buy" (which by the way, thanks, buddy in the Shea Hillenbrand Jersey on the train this morning who grumbled that in the direction of the guy in the Yankees hat - its the first time I've heard anyone say that, you're so clever, did you come up with that all by yourself??), but I'm not sure I understand what's wrong with having an owner that actually cares about his team's W-L record, and doesn't mind coming out of pocket to pay for it. May I remind all of you geniuses to look at the Mets payroll and their record? It seems as though money, although part of the answer, does not make a championship team. But we root for our Yankees, year in and year out, and we expect a lot from them. This is generally a rough time of the year with us, what with being Rangers and Knicks fans, its always a cold, long winter, the Yankees give us hope that with the spring comes winners.

So, my dear friends up North. As we embark on our 26th game together this season, I want you to take a good hard look at the boys in your uniforms this year. I have. From flipping people off, to beaming people in the head, and other general buffoonery, these guys are totally upstanding. They're really the kind of team you want to get behind. I finally understand the "Yankees Suck" chant. You have grown up with years and years of heartache, you're a die hard redsox fan, but you just can't bring yourself to yell "Go Sox!" I wouldn't be able to. If these putzes wore pinstripes, I might start chanting "Nomar Swallows", because in all good consciousness, I couldn't root for them.

I must say though, whether Yankee or RedSox fans we be, there is something we all have in common. On Saturday, before all the shenanigans on the field began, Fox felt it necessary to put Ben and Jen on camera. United for one brief moment, the entire bar started booing and yelling. (As for you Ms. Jenny-from-the-block-I-swear-I'm-still-down-with-the boogie-downs where was your yankee garb???). If there is any chance for world peace it might be found in or universal hatred for the phenomenon known as Bennifer.

I wish you all up in Beantown luck this evening. May the best team win.