TOTAL RECALL

Dear California,

I just want to point out that this was a movie with Ah-nold, Sharon Stone and the chick with three breasts. It was an action-adventure flick and they ran around blowing shit up on Mars. This is not the way government runs. I mean I know that Grey Davis has the personality of a wet rag - his wife said it best, "My husband has never been accused of anything except being dull." and that maybe he wasn't the best governor, but really, what the hell does Conan the Barbarian know about public policy and how to run a state? Joe Kennedy would be proud, even though his sons are probably turning over in their graves. You could have at least elected Larry Flynt, who advocates men inappropriately groping themselves while ogling photographs of women, instead of inappropriately groping said women.

In another case of people confusing movies with real life. Remember the horrible movie Demolition Man with Sly Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock and a pre-Julia Roberts Benjamin Bratt? In it they make mention of the Arnold Schwarzenegger Presidential Library. It was a joke people, a joke.

As for you Mr. Sammy Sosa. Your 9th inning heroics last night were incredible. That was possibly the biggest home run you have ever hit. Show some emotion would you??? I feel that your non-emotive response to smacking that ball out of the park (literally) was the reason you guys wound up losing the game. Mike Lowell's home run non-withstanding. As the Yankees are about to embark on their own championship series against the BoSox all I have to say is kick some Theo Epstein Ass. That smug little boy deserves it.

On a side note. I would like to thank Amy for a couple of things:
1. Your informational piece on "looking a gift horse in the mouth." I too was mistaken about what this phrase meant and thought it had something to do with being bitten or even Trojan horse related. I'll now store this information in my cranium right in between "throwing my hat in the ring" (a bullfighting reference) and "rule of thumb" (a redneck legal guideline for appropriate width of a switch you can use to beat your wife with - I kid you not).

2. Also, for educating those handsome lads known as your twin brothers on quality music. While Huey Lewis and the News are entertaining - I mean Sports is a fun album, they are not groundbreaking or generally kickass in the way that REM is. To this we all owe you a great amount of gratitude.