Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

What's love got to do with it

Dear Universe,

We have a bone to pick with you. We've told our fabulous readers this before, but Valentine's Day is a particularly unlucky day for us. There has been food poisoning, high ankle sprains, back spasms, cutting thumbs to need stitches, and 2nd degree burns. We've asked you repeatedly to leave us alone on this fine day. And knowing our bad relationship with this day of love, this year we even joked to the Gaybie the day before that if we were smart we should stay in bed.

So let us ask you, Universe, what kind of sick perverted sense of humor do you have? Because we dremt of staying in bed uninjured, you decided that we would wake up with so much back pain that we physically COULDN'T get out of bed? For 4 DAYS. We had to have Mrs. Robinson steal painkillers and bring us food. We had to crawl to the bathroom. We're sorry, but that's just wrong.

Its been two weeks, and we can still barely walk, barely sit and barely stand. At least after MRIs and XRays, we finally got our diagnosis: we have two bulging discs, a pinched nerve, spasming muscles, and we somehow have a hip bone that rotated itself out of position so the right side of ourpelvis is a full inch higher than the left. Thats not cool. Thats also a whole lot of pain.

As an alternative, we would officially like to request our own personal free pass next year, Universe. It would be perfectly fine with us to go from February 13th straight to February 15th. Make that happen.

Thank you!

The VTB Team

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

no one is to blame:

VTBEditor: theres nothing more that i love
VTBEditor: then when i make up words on the scrabble board
VTBEditor:and they turn out to be real words
TheGoodSenor: That's not a word
TheGoodSenor: don't care what the shitty Scrabulous dictionary says
VTBEditor:according to the crazy indian guys who developed scrabulous it is
VTBEditor:and thats all that matters

The word in question: Blueings

blue·ing (blōō'ĭng) n.
1. Any of various coloring agents used to counteract the yellowing of laundered fabrics.
2. A rinsing agent used to give a silver tint to gray or graying hair.

thank you and thank you scrabulous. 74 points.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

We in the car, we ride slow
We doin' things that the girls don't do

There are moments in our lives where we here at the VTB offices seriously get concerned about how we choose to spend our time when not at work. To be more precise, we are completely worried by the selection of TV we have been watching lately (or maybe its been always, we're not really sure exactly how much we feel like owning up to today). Regardless, we once used to feel like we watched bad reality television ironically. We would settle into the couch and flip back and forth between whatever real world/road rules challenge was currently on and the bachelor, thinking that we were somehow above the shows that we were watching. But now, most of our TV watching has been given over to this drivel. Yes, we still watch (and LOVE) Lost and 24 (if it ever comes back) and The Wire and Heroes, but we also currently have in our rotation, Project Runway, Celebrity Rehab, Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant, another RR/RW Challenge (The Gauntlet III, baby), Rock of Love with Brett Michaels II, and Make Me A Supermodel. And dont think we won't be watching Desperate Housewives of the OC, ANTM, and Top Chef when they come back on soon for another season.

BUT here's the real problem. Last night, after returning from the gym we sat down on the couch and settled in for another hour's worth of Making the Band 4. We so desperately want to hate this show. We have so desperately wanted to hate this show since waaay back when the band that was made was OTown (liquid dreams anyone?). And we are still watching. And we don't hate it. In fact, we kind of love it. And we can not get enough of it, we're simply delighted that its moved to the hour long format. we love puff, we love the boys, we love donny, we love danity kane. we are fully aware we have problems. but we are no longer going to fight it. we're just going to continue to put on our favorite sweats, pour a glass of wine, and enjoy every monday at ten. you're more than welcome to join us.

Friday, February 08, 2008

I'm trippin', I'm caught up in the moment right?
'Cause it's Louis Vuitton Don night

"No, no, no, its totally OK, she smells like sugar not like stripper" - Our Fearless editor last night at Flashdancers, after one too many glasses of champagne.

nuff said.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

stay the night but keep it undercover

Hola Interweb,

Its been a long time. And not for lack of things to post, but rather for lack of time. All of our time of late has been devoted to media planning and billing and oh god more billing. It can be very nervewracking to be handling millions of dollars of a major retailers advertising budget. and time consuming. have we mentioned time consuming?

but all that is in the past. in fact, we can see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel as we're finally moving onto a new account here at work, one who's hours do not rival the busiest of investment bankers out there.

and we're back. and we have stories. many we would like to tell and some that make us feel like we're back in good old 2005 (and we didn't need a delorian to go there). There have been some 2008 updates to the old game, mostly as Mrs. Robinson can attest, champers is the new sparks. and Luke and Leroy is no longer the home of boys who like girls who like girls who like boys... you get the picture.

there are some new crushes, even though some fall into the same old habits (have we learned nothing from the Double K or Kristen B? no. we have not.) there have been more rangers games, more dining at some extremely expensive and overly fattening restaurants, throwing of the eighth superbowl party in a row, and another impending move.

life continues to remind us of two very important lessons - first, never get involved in a land war in asia, and second, it seems as always, while everything changes, everything remains the same.
but, we digress. we're just happy to be back. so here are some things we would like to tell you, bullet point style:

  • Gossip Girl rules. we know we're late to the internet party on this one, but see above point about being tied to our desks. also blake lively, give us a call, we have an opening for an arm candy role for our fearless editor
  • we were at the knicks game last night, we sat second row behind the basket. adam koates sat directly in front of us, rw mcquarters was 5 seats over, basically we were surrounded by those CHAMPION giants. (yes, we here at VTB are as always, still jets fans, but any team that destroys those asshole patriots deserve all the glory in the world)
  • we've been obsessed with the outfield lately and are constantly wondering why noone makes music like this anymore
  • we met adam graves. again. we called him mr. graves, he told us we could call him adam. we swooned.
  • we're really back. we fully expect to post hella more regularly then we do now. its nice to see you again too.