Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Monday, June 27, 2005

loud and proud

thanks to Mr. A, Grey Goose, and beautiful women from harrisburg via ithaca and illinois we here at VTB had our best.pride.ever.

thats all we wanted to say.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Mia Mea Culpa

so school started this week. (man, do i feel like I've said that sentence A LOT in my life). Just to give you an idea about why you've been hearing so little from me. I'm in class from 8:30-12:00, i have an hour for lunch, i have the same class again from 1-4:30 and then i have advisory sessions from 4:30-6:30. Then I have homework and frankly, i'm too pooped to be witty. but let me tell you, I'm LOVING every minute of it so far. and when i have a bit more time, i promise to write and tell you all about it.

in other news, i have decided on my muse. keep your eyes peeled. she will arrive on that cute little navigation bar to the left very shortly.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

one more thing

so now that she's on the herp she's off the list. (and yes, we've know for a while, but we've been too aghast to talk about it.)

katie holmes err. we mean L. TomKat HolCruHubbard must be replaced by a new muse. we need your help. L.Lo is way too skinny and cracked out, The Bynes is already holding court as The Gum's muse, JL Spears and Emma Watson are too young. Duff and Mandy "Im missing you like candy" Moore might be a little too sweet for us. so who you got in mind?

right now we're leaning towards jesse mccartney. wrong gender but he's oh so adorable.

The New Muse???

still breathing.

yes, i'm still alive. yes, i've been quite enjoying my week of doing nothing except idling away my time until i start my training/classes/new job on monday. yes i've been working on my tan.

that was, of course until i had to go up to my parent's today because my father was admitted into the hospital yesterday. good news? its nothing too serious and they're going to discharge him tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

curious, at best

with tomorrow being my last day at the old job, i've spent way too many hours today doing a whole lot of nothing except scour the internets. for this we all win! check out some things i've found that you need to read and/or know about:

Does anyone else appreciate the word pants quite as much as I do?

Burn out the night...I'm living for giving the devil his due

The dust is finally beginning to settle. Amazingly I have been able to sleep in my apartment for the past two nights! While I'm still maneuvering my way around stacks of boxes and still have no refrigerator, I can honestly say that the move part of this move is complete.

If you've been paying attention you will notice that there was a four night gap between when I was out of my old apartment and when I finally got to sleep in my new one. Instead of boring you with further tales of my moving woes, I would rather regale you with the story of Saturday night:

The night began in the late afternoon when I met Mrs. Robinson and Grandmaster Melle Mel at Inoteca for a little summer white and people watching. After being caught up on all the drama (finally drama that has nothing to do with me or my life), it was time to take a little break, shower and change into the only other clean shirt I had. While rocking out to Blue Oyster Cult (MORE COWBELL!) on Vh1 Classics it was clearly time for Mrs. Robinson and I to break out the sparks (we did solemnly swear we were up to no good!). After finishing one, we take to the streets, second Sparks in hand. Now for those of you who have been long time readers of VTB you will know that one of the many reasons we love the Sparks has been our ability to drink it on the street. Well apparently, this is no longer the case.

We made it not five steps from Mrs. Robinson's front door before a plain clothes copper walks over to us and asks for identification, quickly reminding us that open containers are not allowed on the streets. We hand over our licenses as the officer makes some joke about us having warrants out for murder charges. yes, mr. policeman, you're very funny. He hands our ID over to his partner, who mind you is sitting in a converted yellow cab (which i have to admit, is pretty damned cool).

In the next 5-7 minutes while we're waiting for the cops to run our ID's and figure out what they're going to do with us, I have visions of receiving a DAT* and having to go to 100 Center where none other than the ex would be working arraignments that day and would be assigned my case. In other words what a damned nightmare.

Good news? The cop decides to let us go - reminding us once again that Sparks are, in fact, alcoholic and cannot be drank on the street. It was barely 10:30pm. We head to the first bar and meet up once again with Grandmaster Melle Mel and her good friend M. The night continued until 4:30am and was replete with too much grey goose, getting dressed in public restrooms, random bitches from Boston who don't know their place, and boobs on the bowery (seriously, and by boobs I don't mean idiots). Full details will remain with those who were present. The not-so innocent will remain protected.

* DAT = desk appearance ticket - you don't get arrested but it requires you to voluntarily appear for arraignment on a given date.

Friday, June 03, 2005

I'm coming clean

some things i'm embarrassed to admit on this fine friday morning.

i have a hilary duff song in my head. this fact doesn't totally disturb me.
i watched beauty and the geek the other night. i loved it.
i finished reading the sisterhood of the traveling pants. i couldn't put it down.

clearly i've somehow transformed from behaving like a 14 year old boy to a 14 year old girl. maybe one of these days i'll get the age right now that i've got the gender right? then again, maybe not - i mean whats the fun in acting your age?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Recipe for Moving Disaster(s); or How the Universe continues to play me like a Duncan Yo-Yo

1. Find a great two bedroom apartment with roommate. Agree to sign lease. Have roommate bail 3 hours before lease signing.
2. Find great studio apartment in the process of being renovated. Get promised it will be done by June 1st.
3. Begin Packing.
4. Have packing interrupted by ex-girlfriend, this will cause the saddest day you've had in months and reduce you to a useless puddle of tears for the afternoon.
5. Marinate.
6. Write said ex-girlfriend letter saying things you've had a hard time saying out loud. As you're signing your name immediately add ex-girlfriend's return, this time also add ex-girlfriend's sister, mother and father.
7. Flee the neighborhood. Return several hours later to find front door wide open.
8. Text ex-girlfriend. Have her call back immediately leading to the best conversation you've had in months. Recognize the fact that out of bad comes good sometimes.
9. Try to start packing again the next morning. Get interrupted by father who tells you that no movers have been hired.
10. Spend the rest of the morning trying to hire movers. Finally find movers.
11. Resume packing.
12. Get call from landlord saying that apartment will NOT be ready but there's a vacant apartment stuff can be stored in. Have landlord promise that the apartment will be ready Thursday night and stuff will be moved from storage apartment to actual apartment at his cost.
13. Get friends to help you pack since none of it has been accomplished yet.
14. Wake up next morning praying that sketchy movers hired the day before will show up.
15. Exhale. They showed up.
16. While movers are unloading your stuff into storage apartment, go upstairs to check on other apartment.
17. Observe that no work has been done and no one is inside working.
18. Pray that when you get home tonight stuff will be moved as promised.