Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Friday, May 28, 2004

Somebody Told Me that You had a Boyfriend that Looks Like A Girlfriend I Had in February of Last Year

Its Friday, Its Raining and my boss isn't in. It took every ounce of my will to not only come to work dressed in something other than my pyjamas, but to come to work at all. And boy do I regret that decision. So far my morning has consisted of drinking one Venti Sugar Free Vanilla Skim Latte(yum!), playing about 10 games of Dynomite (frustrating), reading the regular round ups of blogs(always entertaining!), doing the crossword puzzle in the times (self-congratulating!), as well as both puzzles in the daily news, and figuring out what it is I'm going to do for lunch (Vietnamese?).

Its only 10:43. Im about 30 seconds away from scouring Craig's list for kicks. Anyone have any suggestions of things I can do to keep me occupied. I mean I suppose I could do some work, but that wouldn't be fun now would it. For Shame. Clearly I'm blowing this pop stand (Dirty!), early.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

And you thought my birthday festivities were large...

As it is my duty to report the hard hitting news, ehem, I mean as it is my duty to always make sure you get free ice cream, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that beginning at 9am this morning Carvel will be celebrating it's 70th anniversary by building its largest Ice Cream Cake ever in Union Square Park. After its built, its free free free to take out a spoon and help demolish!!!

can anyone say 2000 pounds of mint chocolate chip?

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

and you thought your Japanese tattoo was cool...

i laughed so hard my morning coffee came out my nose and it hurts... read this
[thanks for the link joy]

On a this world might be turning into a place where Id want to raise children tip -Who knew the IOC was such a liberal organization? While their stupidity in choosing cities to hold the games in continues to astound me, at least they've made some great decisions in choosing which atheletes can compete!

in sadder news the loverly ms. mo (along with 253 other people working to make a difference) received her pink slip yesterday. While I normally refuse to be political on this site - the collision of the political and the personal here runs way deep. (yes, yes, i know that the political and the personal are always tied, but generally i like to keep this space lite and fluffy.) - which means that I just thought you'd all like to know that these layoffs will cause some 30,000 cases to go unaccounted for. What do y'all think about holding a massive bake sale? Who's with me?

Monday, May 17, 2004

A weekend of worst's (some expected, some not-so expected) and a few bests

The weekend began with promise, frozen margaritas and good company but then quickly made a turn for the worse the second i entered the theater to see the Mary-Kate and Ashley vehicle. While not expecting any oscar worthy films, chalk this one up to a disaster of Gigli proportions (although I never saw Gigli, I couldn't imagine a film much worse than NY Minute)... thank god the margaritas helped lubricate the situation and the movie was short enough that there were plenty of good drinking hours left after the credits started rolling

At least I thought to myself - tomorrow night I'll have culture and some seriously thought provoking entertainment as I had tickets to THIS. If you choose to listen to only one thing I say, heed this advice, stay far far away from this play. Not only was Maggie Gyllenhaals accent terrible, but this 4hour play made little sense - so much so that scores of people fled the theater after the first act and even more (myself included) after the second act. Also, note to future theater producers, if you're going to make people sit through a four hour play, i suggest you check out the theater seats to see if they can be sat in for four hours the one's in BAM's Harvey theater are barely comfortable enough for twenty minutes.

In some more uplifting news, as I was making my way back to brooklyn after lounging by my folks pool all afternoon yesterday, traffic was stopped as a family of ducks crossed the road. It was great to see cars just sit and wait and make way for ducklings. My faith in humanity might be restored.

One more thing, it seems that I'm not the only one who can't stop with things One Tree Hill related as Amy can't seem to stop listening to Gavin Degraw, even referencing the One Tree Hill theme song - although I doubt Amy even knows that this is the theme song and may even stop listening upon finding out. Sorry to break the news, but the producers of OTHill seem to have really good taste in music.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Light Up, Light Up as If You have a choice

I don't know whats more wrong: The fact that I can't stop watching One Tree Hill or that they used Snow Patrol's "Run" in their season finale on Tuesday.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

We were lovers, We were kissers, We were holders of hands:

Alright. So sue me. I saw the Stills last night and I'm still in love. These Canadians kicked some major live music ass. The album rocks, live they rock even harder. Playa don't hate just because they're Canucks - check this band out!!!

It had occurred to me while I was getting a good round of Aural Pleasure that:

1. I am old, while I love a good show, I'd prefer a good rock show where I have the option to sit if I so choose. Thankfully I have good friends that suggested I purchase one of these.

2. I hadn't been to Irving since I left my job here. I am so glad I got over that snobbery of refusing to pay for a show, although, I wouldn't be adverse to hopping on anyone's plus one if they feel like being so generous

3. Metric sucks. I'm sorry if you're a fan, but the lead chick - you know, the one from broken social scene - worries me, I fear for her mental health and they're overall annoying and uncool. Noone should have to try that hard.

4. I am too fat to be a hipster. This one I knew already but was really driven home again last night. If you haven't perfected the I-haven't-eaten-in-3-days-because-I-spent-my-grocery-money-on-these-"vintage"-clothes-that-could-have-been-pulled-out-of-a dumpster-but-weren't figure/body type, then you cannot be part of the hipster club. Thankfully I came to terms with this years ago when I realized that I would never be cool.

5. The Stills rock. Go buy their CD now. Go.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Our undue apologies...

for leaving you hardcore VTB fans without any new posts in quite some time. To date this has been the longest hiatus we've taken and we can only explain it away using the following reasons:

First and foremost, not the most technologically savvy web geeks, it took us some time to figure out how to use this crappy new blogger interface. Damned you people.

Secondly, We here at voices from the balcony have been experiencing a bit of an identity crisis. While out gallivanting on Saturday night in Billyburg, we were confronted by people who were curious as to what our blog was about? We stuttered and stalled, caught totally unawares that a blog had to be about anything. Then the hemming and hawing began, should we refocus our little site or, rather, give it any focus at all? We quickly nixed the idea of a political blog because who can be bothered to get their facts right? That gave way to having just a totally pop culture focused blog, but there are so many others out there that do ten times the job that we could. Should we get personal? talk about our dating/sex/work/the direction of our meaningless consumer driven lives? so not us.

So like William H. Taft in his bathtub, we were stuck. And then it seemed to us that the only fair thing to do is quiz you folk.(or rather have you make the decision as we are terrible decision makers). So to he people who read the blog regularly and without coercion: What do you like? What do you hate? Do we need focus? Do we need a theme? Or do we just need some therapy and a little thorazine? Help!


Voices from The Balcony

Monday, May 03, 2004

I don't have 15 minutes of my own, can I borrow yours?

I worry, deeply worry about the state of celebrity in this country. First there was the reality TV boom - which far be it from me to judge people who have no problems looking like total asses for my enjoyment (objectification be damned, I love the shadenfreude!), but now theres this new breed of people looking for their 15 minutes - by trading on someone else's fame. With MTV's I want a famous face, and this website[thanks for the link NewYorkish]. I wonder, do people really think they can become famous by looking like somone famous? Even people that sound like famous people aren't famous - think of one tribute band, now tell me the member's names and whether or not they've ever had their covers played on the radio or their video on MTV? Imitation may be the highest form of flattery, but its not gonna make you the big bucks. You want your fifteen minutes, go eat a madagascar cockroach like everyone else!!!

Also, does anyone wonder what's wrong with Jesse Palmer? Does he think that going on the bachelor is going to do wonders for his career as a backup qb or find him a wife? Playa please, maybe you've been sacked one too many times.

As for me, I plan on getting famous the old fashioned way:
step 1: get implants
step 2: marry sleazy ex hair band member
step 3: leak tape of us tripping the light fantastic
step 4: deny, deny, deny
step 5: make sure i get hair and make-up credits for said video on IMDB
step 6: divorce sleazy ex hair band member making sure that division of assets work in my favor
step 7: have MTV cover all of this during taping of my Diary
step 8: have fling with young ingenue making everyone wish they could be so lucky
step 9: get punked

what? did you think i was arguing for talent as a merit for celebrity? I'm not that old.