Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

I can't believe its only Wednesday, or my life trapped in a cubicle

Today started off swimmingly, complete with large commuter in heels stepping on my poor defenseless uncovered toes, leading to some blood loss and a little bit of a limp.

Now I am sitting here, sipping my third cup of coffee in attempt to not fall into a deep slumber. And in a cruel turn of events, its not even noon yet - hell, its not even 10:30 yet. Somebody please take me out of my misery, or at least take me to the beach. Better still, find me a new job. please?

In attempt to not stab myself in the eye with a pencil, I have begun a list of things that I would like to accomplish or events I would like to attend this summer:

1. Shakespeare in the Park
2. Brooklyn Cyclones Game
3. Get cracking on the tour guide book I'm going to write, even though my supposed partner looks like she's staying in the midwest because of a boy
4. Write 7 Moves. 7 Years - the semi-autobiographical trials of life after college
5. Hudson Valley Shakespeare Festival
6. Bryant Park Movie
7. Start developing again now that I have a working darkroom in my basement
8. The Siren Festival
9. Finish Shakespeare's Goat
10. Get the Poker Game going again
11. Play tennis at least 5 times
12. Learn how to really play the bass guitar
13. Learn how to really play golf
14. See as many live shows as possible
15. Newport Folk Festival
16. Get a slamming tan
17. Run a 5k
18. Take a cooking class
19. Apply for Culinary School
20. Get a raise
21. Finish re-uploading songs on IPod
22. Gamble at Mohegan Sun
23. BBQ at least once a week in new backyard
24. Prospect Park bandshell
25. Organize and play at least one giant kickball game
26. Continue list as i think of more cool things...

Have anything to add?

Monday, June 28, 2004

Because Fabulous is a Family Value

As in years past, the Voices from The Balcony Family did their duty yesterday and attended the pride parade. Sleepy and crusty-eyed from partying the night before we prepared ourselves for hours and hours of standing by bathing in SPF 30. Then we lamented the lack of a camera on our phone as the SAGE trolley drove by, with the cutest old woman banging the side of the trolley with her cane while a sign under her window that said "Lesbian since before you were born!" I mean come on, does it get any better than that? Sigh, the voices from the balcony team does not own a camera phone.

Apparently fag hags get their own float too! I almost lost it when the SWISH float drove on by. Amongst the political pleas for AIDS research and legalizing Gay Weddings and celebrating everything gay, its good to know that the underrepresented group of fag hags get to come out of the closet as well. Rock on.

VTB would also like to give a shout out to SALGA for once again throwing a hott party on the frying pan spinning the Bhangra, The Bollywood and the House. Good times, we highly suggest, straight or gay, that y'all check this party out next year. (its only $10 with a student id - thanks BC for not putting an expiration date on your cards).

We would also be remiss if we didn't thank all of you that came out to celebrate our housewarming with a ginormous barbecue. Thanks to y'all we made it through 7lbs of hamburger meat, 50 bbq wings, 24 links of Sausage, 16 chicken kebabs, 20 hot dogs, an entire ice cream cake, cheesecake, cupcakes and assorted other desserts, and of course we can't forget about the beers and wine. Man we can eat! But also, thanks for helping VTB and the Fabulous Ms. Mo in officially warming our new apartment and turning it from a house into a home.

And with that we're off to read what other people have to say....

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

I got soul but I'm not a soldier

also, I'm braindead. Today being the second time this week that I've had to be in work at 7am, thinking is becoming increasingly difficult. Just staying awake is a trial. But here I am plugging away at Pain Management research without the slightest idea on how to manage the pain of having to be at my desk.

I feel a sick day coming down the pipe.

In other news, the Voices from the Balcony team send their best wishes and hopes to get well soon to the skinny olson twin who checked herself in for help with her anorexia problem. Get meat on those bones soon, otherwise the playboy spread won't be that appetizing.

Lollapalooza was cancelled. Remind me why I'm supposed to care.

The Killers at Mercury Lounge. So much hype, I may not make it in the front door. But I'm gonna damned well give it a go.

For those of you making your way to brklyn for a little housewarming grill action, bring empty stomachs - we ordered close to $200 worth of food on fresh direct last night.

Yesterday, while getting my lunch at a salad bar near my office I saw Adam from Average Joe. I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that he did the show or the fact that I recognized him. Either way, I fear for my own personal well being.

Oh and one more thing, can someone explain to me the Dodgeball? I know that its a trend that's sweeping our fair city, but if I wanted to hang out with someone or have them know where I was, wouldn't I just call them, or text them, or hit them with my blackberry, or send up smoke signals, or some other such modern way of letting people know how popular and important I am because everyone needs to talk to me and be where I am?

Thursday, June 17, 2004

its a sad dark day....

i would apologize for my prolonged absence but I'm too upset as I lost every song on my IPod. Normally not a big deal, except for the fact that I've been deleting songs from my hard drive to save space. So begins the process of importing my CD collection for the second time. I'm shocked and saddened and I don't know what to say. I hope all of your days are better.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Heaven Ain't Close in a place like this

so it seems as though the Killers will be at the Merc on the 23rd. While this would usually bring me a huge sense of excitement as its their only US date for months and I'm in love, I know the Merc and I know this show will be wall to wall industry. That sucks. Hard.

Who wants to help me get into this show?
Or better yet who wants to stop the suits who won't see anything but dollarsigns from getting in so the fans can?