Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Its that time of year again.

Dust off the keyboards, put some ink in the well, sharpen your pencils.

Its almost November 1st so there are few precious days left to sign up for NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH . You can check my failed attempt to make it to 50,000 words in a month from last year HERE. You bet your ass I'm gonna try again, although more than likely, i'll fail this time too.

Sign up and write, its a fun way to pass those cold late fall days when you're sitting by a fire.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

This just in...

Hell. Frozen over.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

free food for straphangers

happy birthday NYC subways! As it is my duty to report free food happenings it would be remiss of me to not let you know that the first 100 people who sign a birthday card for the subway at the Municipal Arts Society's Urban Center Gallery, 457 Madison Ave. at 51st Street starting at 1pm today will recieve a free slice of junior's cheesecake. While Junior's barely holds a candle to either Elaine's or S & S cheesecake - Free is Free.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Motion

Dear Boston and Your Redsox.

Congratulations. Your boys played like a team that had more talent, more heart and were destined for more glory. You deserved to win. Also, we have to say we're quite impressed with your ability as a city to celebrate a long awaited win without burning shit, flipping cars over and other such asshole moves. Bonus points for partying with class. Yes, last night the yankees did suck and ARod (the pansy ass cheap shot taker) swallows.

All that being said we still can't root for you in the world series. Go Cards!


The Voices from the Balcony Team
Dear New York Yankees (redux),

We here at VTB strongly doubt your commitment to sparkle motion. We apologize as we misunderstood, were you not paid enough? We bet you George Steinbrenner also doubts your commitment and heart, and we'd strongly urge you to start thinking about what you'd look like out of pinstripes.


VTB Editors

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Dear New York Yankees:

I have to say I was quite flattered by your actions last night. Knowing that I do not make it home until at least 10:30 every night and was completely saddened by your 5pm start time, you decided to elongate the game so I could at least catch an inning or two. For that I thank you. It was a nice little surprise and genuinely heartwarming to know that a bunch of all-star ballplayers like yourselves would think about a little person like me. I know that I shouldn't be asking for much seeing as how you could do me such a big favor already, but next time you decide to play for 56 thousand hours COULD YOU AT LEAST WIN AT THE END OF IT?

Best Regards,


Friday, October 15, 2004

Friday Morning Recommendation

Last Friday night, while most of EnWhyCee was watching either the Bombers game or the debate I was in the back room of this little bar in the heart of Park Slope called Barbes. It was hot, it was crowded and there was nowhere to sit, but I endured. As promised a 6 piece band piled into the already too tight space, the singer opened up her voice and then I fell in love. Here's my suggestion to you, go and listen to Madeleine Peyroux and you'll be just as smitten as I am. I promise.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Just in time...

So you're about to hunker down for spending your Friday night watching a political debate. Do it in style and show your support for some candidates we can get behind... BUY YOUR STEWART/COLBERT '08 t-shirts here ...

This morning, I was sitting on the train listening to my IPod and began lamenting the fact that since I have 15 gigs of music at my fingertips at all times, I've been missing the totally asinine things people say in this city. Lucky for me there's a website that documents these morons so I can catch up without having to remove my urban armor - check out overheard in new york.

And one more thing, as I shuttle between New York and Maryland for weddings this weekend (yep that was plural), you should explore all of the fabulous buildings this fair city has to offer as it is Open House New York. About 100 buildings around the boroughs which are normally closed to the public will be open and giving tours for free. I say explore the city and don't forget to take notes on all the stupid conversations you hear while traipsing about. I'm sure after tonight, you'll catch some genius remarks...

Thursday, October 07, 2004


I'm so glad that I made it home in time from class last night that I got to watch my boy Derek do what he does best. While Matsui hit a nice line drive (sac), it was Jeter's base running that brought in the winning run, some other idiot at third and the run would have never scored. Nice Job #2. Also, A-Rod finally played like the man who was mvp, welcome back Alex.

Now, if only the Red Sox could get to losing.

Monday, October 04, 2004

How the hell did it get to be monday again?

While this weekend was chop full of many things, sleep wasn't one of them and so I begin this week as tired as I ended the last and can therefore only think in bullet-point:
  • Never, ever drink sparks on an empty stomach and follow it up with pint after pint of stella. It leads to some gastric pyrotechnics worthy of a laser light show, and vows to never ever drink again.
  • Coney Island is a much different place on a cold and rainy Saturday in October than on a warm and sunny Saturday in July.
  • The place to eat in Coney Island is not Nathan's, but Garguilo's. Not only do the all-male wait staff wear monkey suits at this old school Italian-American joint, but Paulie Walnuts might be sitting two tables away from you, like he was from me and the entire, extended Levine family, (sans Grandma and a Chi-town twin). The man looks exactly like he does on television. Complete with pinky ring.
  • People who collect fiesta ware are strange. People who make documentaries about people who collect fiesta ware kick ass.
  • When making batter for doughnuts, quadruple the amount of chocolate you use. Otherwise people will keep asking you if your doughnuts are whole-wheat.
  • The J-E-T-S are 3-0. Way to go Gang Green. Way to Go!
  • Why do they play playoff games in the middle of the day in the middle of the week? Can anyone explain this to me? And do our boys in pinstripes have a shot at all this year?
  • Will I ever get a decent night's sleep?