Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Every girl I’ve seen since looks just like you when I squint

right. so its memorial day weekend, we should be barbecuing, we should really be packing seeing as how we're moving on wednesday but were instead sitting on the couch completely hungover watching the laguna beach marathon on MTV. Yes. We are totally aware that we need some help...

Speaking of help- last night after many many many protein shakes (and by protein shakes we mean goose and tonics) at the delancey your superhero vtb editor wound up at her regular friday night spot with HFT. More free protein shakes were ferreted her way, only to leave her completely defenseless against herself and her total inability to not profess things liberally once wasted. yep. we've all heard this story before. we now may have to deal with some repercussions later today before tonight's plans with her. whoops.

we would write more and not be so vague but the head is cloudy and we're somewhat distracted by the 9,000 time today we're hearing that damned "hips don't lie". seriously. we apologize.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

people are fragile things you should know by now

look at this, two postings in as many weeks - we really like having lifted a laptop from our little brother and how we can lift wireless from our neighbor! isn't modern technology fantastic?!? of course my lifting one laptop from a family member pales in comparison to the 27 that were taken at gunpoint by four masked men at my place of employment a few weeks ago - so tell me - how're things where you work?

so we just returned back to our humble abode from shea stadium where we watched the mets beat the phillies with our husband and HFT , while it was no comparison to last nights extra inning extravaganza it was still a good time and it was fun to actually root for the mets (who knew?!?) and we realized that we were remiss in our recap yesterday by forgetting to tell you - our faithful reader - that we were hit by a car a few weeks ago while walking in a crosswalk with the light... we don't know what's worse getting hit like that or not knowing that our hip was dislocated until days later even though we were limping around on it through an insane night that involved 5 bars 4 neighborhoods, one showing of our new favorite movie, and a very surreal experience involving HFT and a wayans brother. regardless - we learned our lesson and its the last time we ever think its a good idea to not jaywalk.

yep. its like that y'all...

Thursday, May 18, 2006


wow we can't believe that its been two months since we posted last. most of that has to do with:
a) our lack of internet access
b) the total hecticness of the dayjob
c) the complete insanity of our night life.

so some housekeeping first and foremost - your ever so intriguing VTB editor has spent the past few months sampling the wares of the other gender - yup thats right there have been some boys. first was the irish actor with the trust fund - who while had the right bank account, didn't really have much in the brains department - not to mention 3 dates in the course of two weeks just screams relationship in a way that we don't like these days. then (and currently) there's the italian jew with the brilliant sense of humor and perfect smile - who could use some work in the wallet department, forcing us to question just how much of a gold digger we've become. regardless its casual and fun.

oh yes and there has been the reemergence of the ex - you know the one who ripped our heart to shreds. she ever so graciously took us out to a wonderful sushi meal for our birthday and then promptly spent most of the meal talking to us as though we were her shrink about the problems with her relationship with her new girlfriend (you know the one that she ostensibly cheated on me with). very nice. she also has taken to calling us on friday and saturday nights to chat. someone please inform me as to what she wants from us?

AND remember soccer chick? she just sent us two bottles of this.. apparently her pr firm is the one responsible for getting them on top chef and sent her a case personally - and she took it upon herself to forward us two of those bottles. we mean, if that's not love...

so we've had our hands full. we make no apologies about our sporadic posts as we've been dealing with 12 year olds who deliberately urinate on themselves in my classroom, and more suitors than we know what to do with. so sue us.

we'll be back soon!