Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

who said there's no such thing as a free lunch?

ok, so its not lunch exactly, but ice cream is just as delicious although not as nutritious. From 6-10pm free scoops abound at your local 31 flavors!!!

I plan on making my way to every baskin robbins between my office and brooklyn...

Friday, April 23, 2004

In a room with no window in the corner I found truth:

I know, I know today's IPod Ten looks suspicously like the track listings for Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures. That's because of late I've been on a big Joy Division kick. Go figure. Shame that Ian Curtis died so young, New Order was no Joy Division.
Couple of things we must discuss:

1. So I must out of a strong sense of civic duty ask you all what you are doing on Sunday. If your response is anything but marching in DC. Feel the glare coming from me and get uncomfortable by the finger pointing and shame that will reign down upon you. I myself will be a bad feminist and woman and not be in DC, but that's only because I'm soon to be homeless and spending the day walking around the Dark Slope looking for apartments takes only slight precedence over women's rights. Feel as though its somewhat contradictory for me to tell you all you must go and then not be going myself? Well it might be, but be a better person than I am. Rise above my own selfishness and get your ass down to DC.

2. The knicks suck. The yankees suck. I just realized that one of my favorite bars in brooklyn is gonna be torn down if they build the stadium. sometimes i hate being a new york sports fan.

3. Y'all can talk and write and scream about how fabulous kill bill vol 2. was, but I'm just biding my time and counting the days until New York Minute hits the big screen. Note to self: Hans Christian Anderson was on to something with "The Ugly Ducking." We all remember how ugly these two sweet young things were. Remember to try and have ugly babies.

4. Apparently you can now buy stock in my website. Just go HERE. As someone who doesn't understand the real stock market, far be it from me to figure this out or even how the hell I got on here. Can anyone tell me if I'm worth anything?

Thursday, April 15, 2004

its true about the camping its just not in our genes...

Hola all, for those of you who can remember past yesterday morning, you will recall that a while back I had a series of people interview me on this here little site. Ms. Amy Levine, has asked me to return the favor and I gladly jumped on the opportunity to put her on the hot seat. You can read the resulting hilarity HERE.

don't forget to yell at Amy for not loving Kates. In my totally unbiased opinion the Kates rock. Except for those that are illiterate and spell their names wrong - Cate with a C? Just plain stupid. And makes me think of this girl I went to camp with whose parents named her Llen. (pronounced - Ellen). Really people, don't do this to your kids. Think a little. Don't even get me started on the guy who named his kid ESPN or the idiot who added a 2.0 instead of Jr. to his son's name. But I digress. Point is, go read my interview with Amy, she kicks ass even though she didn't like me when we were younger because I quit the soccer team.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

We all need to feel secure, we're so middle class, but I'm still waiting for next week's chemical blast

OK really, I can't in all good faith post an IPOD ten today because I cant stop listening to The Stills album... Have you heard of this group of cool canadians? If not, you must must must check them out. The first half of the album "Logic Will Break Your Heart" will kick your ass.

speaking of goodness, i'm thinking (or have been prodded by my peers to) of writing a sort of guide book to this fair city of ours, what do you all think? clearly i'd need a catch - something that would make my book different from the thousands out there. any thoughts? i should do something with all of this restaurant, bar, music, shopping and neighboorhood knowledge thats floating in my head.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

every day i feel safer and safer

Take a look at THIS from Saturday's New York Times
and THIS from Today's Daily News.

What goes on where you work?

Monday, April 12, 2004

is insider trading going to be one of the competitions?


Someone quick, call Fox Network, I have an idea for The Swan II...

Here's the new twist... After the 3 months of therapy and dieting and cardio, we keep the new swans in the house for another 6 months until they know how to knit, cook, clean, and entertain. We can Call it Swan II - Cinderella! Oooh no wait, even better! At the end of the 6 months instead of entering a beauty pageant like they do at the end of this season, the women are promptly shipped over to ABC's custody to be on the next season of the Bachelor - The show will be called the Stepford Wife! Just envision all the possible cross-network marketing!!!

who's with me on this? anyone?

Thursday, April 08, 2004

random sketches of me:

you will notice an update to the sidebar if you glance towards the right of this post. This new area - "The IPOD 10" is a breakdown the 1st ten songs my IPOD randomly played on any given morning. Instead of giving you a playlist, a carefully designed and sculpted list. Here's a brief and incomplete glimpse into who I am. Its a tip of the iceberg and will be updated daily, or whenever i get around to it. I showed you mine, I dare you to show me yours. Without further ado, I present to you today's IPOD TEN...

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Donna Martin Graduates!

ok, so I had the ultimate moment of feeling like I am now totally outdated. On the weekends, I moonlight as a bartender for a kosher catering company and this Saturday I had the pleasure of tending the bar at a B'Nai Mitzvah in Ridgewood, NJ. The party, which was attended by 80 kids and 70 adults, had the music provided by one of the most over the top DJs I've ever seen in my life. One of the games that they played with the "teens" was a TV trivia game. They played the theme song and the kids had to name the show, whichever kid got the song right then got asked a series of questions about that show. They played the 90210 theme and not one of the 80 kids knew what it was. Then they asked a question about the show, "Name Three Characters", they couldn't do it. It was a sad, sad moment. Followed by another pregnant pause after they played the 21 Jump Street theme.

Later in the evening the DJ chose to play "Smells Like Teen Spirit" It occurred to me that at most, these kids were 2 when this song came out. When did I get old?

Friday, April 02, 2004

cooler than a polar bear's toenails

I have to thank Grambo for linking to possibly the coolest post I have ever read and wish that I had come up with first. I was going to knockoff the project and give you all my personal music journey, but this guy does such a good job, I can't even begin to try and compete.

Because I'm not giving you the off-the-truck and sold on canal street version of the post, go directly to the original and read. Then feel shame that this wasn't your idea either. I'll just continue to sit here with my head between my hands lamenting my own lack of creativity.