Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

head pounding, grogginess:

with apologies and a headache the size of texas, i give you links of things you may or may not care about:

50 Cent Booed and Bottled off stage at Reading. Couldn't you people have thrown glass instead of plastic, what kind of hooligans are you?

Derek Jeter's ex in lesbian comedy finally gets release date. jordanna brewster? check. short catholic school girl uniforms? check. me there as soon as possible? check.

Serena Williams or Xena: Warrior Princess - you decide isn't it too damned hot to play tennis in denim?

Paris Hilton and Xtina? (scroll down) Does this mean Lindsay McChesty and Tara McDrunkard will fight over who gets to fight Christina. Can I be there? Can it involve jello?

Feel your innocence slipping away - RIP Laura Branigan

Tarantino, Miss Piggy, and Queen Latifah in the Wizard of Oz So much better than getting stoned and watching the movie while listening to Dark Side of the Moon.

survivor - foodie style I would have joined but I'm no longer an amateur.

Morgan Fairchild and John Salley judging what man can act most like a lady - So many problems with this idea so little time. [link via Feministing]

Friday, August 27, 2004

Si Ves Algo, Di Algo

I didn't catch the naked protesters for ACT-UP nor did I catch the guys rappelling down the side of the Plaza.

But after having Tasti D Lite for dinner last night, a couple of friends and I meandered down to Union Square, not knowing that people had gathered. Although, quite frankly we should have known something by the helicopter shining its search light directly onto the square. Regardless we went in that direction stood about, people watching. There were the regular group of boys with their BMX bikes, there was a drum circle, there was a mass of people holding a "Free Palestine" sign. There were street medics from Seattle, there were guild legal observers in green hats, there were NYCLU observers in blue hats, there were people with oak tag and there were cops, lots and lots of cops, uniformed and detectives in suits. There was one detective eating a Mr. Softee chocolate double cone while talking to two kids. There was one cop who was so thrilled with the notion that he was the one chosen to hold the megaphone so much that he kept saying "Test 1, 2" into it. There were news vans on top of news vans. Ambulances with sirens on kept whizzing by, cop cars with sirens on kept whizzing by. There were a bunch of kids skateboarding on Union Square West which had been closed down and was blocked off by an ambulance and a fire truck. Tour busses kept driving by and tourists kept snapping pictures of the whole scene. It was chaos and total calm at the same time, in the way that only New York could be. We just stood there and watched. And watched until the cops told us to move back because...

there was a suspicious package tied to a bench.

so we moved back. The cops taped off like a 30 foot radius around the package/bench combo. Everything else continued as before, except no one was inside the roped off area, except for some poor guy who was sleeping in the bushes, who was escorted out of the area by some cops.

We stayed. Everyone stayed. About 10 minutes later the area they had roped off became larger. They closed the entrance to the train station that was right there. We moved back a little further. We stayed. Everyone stayed. The cop finished his ice cream cone. Another one walked past us and winked at my friend. A New York 1 reporter in quite possibly the ugliest green blazer I had ever seen (she might have just won the Masters), interviewed some short girl about the earlier protest. A man starts yelling to a group of policemen about how their union should not be fighting for a raise but fighting to overthrow the government. He was stumbling a little bit. Megaphone cop informed him and the rest of us that if he didn't stop yelling he would be arrested. He didn't stop yelling. He was arrested. There were video cameras everywhere all of a sudden. The legal observers were feverishly observing. The "bomb squad" came. And by bomb squad, I mean a NYPD truck pulled up. A guy in a white polo came out, used some pliers to cut the bag from the bench. He tapped it a couple of times and then unzipped the bag. There was a note inside. Sadly, I do not know what the note said, but I think it was requesting John McLean to go to home plate at Yankee Stadium.

The bag was removed. We got bored and my friend had to pee so we left.

While on the ride back home as we're travelling on the bridge our conductor gets on the loudspeaker and says "Good evening we are now cruising at an altitude of 125 feet at a speed of approximately 25 miles per hour. If you look to your left below the bridge you will see South Street Seaport... Our destination temperature is 71 degrees farenheit and 22 degrees celsius. It is 1 after 10. I hope you have enjoyed your journey with us." And, because of this conductor on the N train with his soothing Pilot's voice, I did enjoy my ride home.

It was just another night in the eNwhYCee.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

All the things that I've learned (in the past couple of days)

1. The Bees kick ass. Their album "Free the Bees" sounds like the soundtrack to your favorite episode of The Wonder Years. It makes me weep its so good.

2. Screw Fire Island, the gayest beach in New York is all the way to the left at Riis Beach. Keep walking until you see the area demarcated by all the pretty flags and Bam - you're in Rio.

3. You ain't seen nothing until you've seen a man wrapped in gold lame running with a gold lame flag on a beach next to a topless woman and an obese man in a thong.

4. Watching women's beach volleyball is like watching soft-core porn.

5. The Yankees suck

6. The Wicker park soundtrack comes out today. Go Buy It. Now.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

All I Know is there were rumors he was into field hockey players. There were rumors...

Well Hello! I'm back, but sadly the postcards that I sent on behalf of VTB are still making their way back to this little site. Hopefully, they will make it by tomorrow. You're gonna have to wait for vacation/wedding stories until then.

In other news, saw them Killers at Bowery on Monday. I must say Brandon is right, he has soul, but he's not a soldier, the vegas boys played for a meager 45 minute set that was just above mediocre - Note to self, next time set the bar lower. Clearly the world disagrees as the MTV staffers (we saw both Matt Pinfield and his clone Ian at the show) thought they rocked, and Brandon made the cover of this weeks NME (who knew the Killers were just one person!)

I have secured my Pixies tickets!!! Have you done the same? Rumors have it that they're putting out a new album . Rumors have it that they're NOT putting out a new album. And yes, there were rumors that I was once into field hockey players.

We are now at T-One month until I begin my studies as a Culinary Arts student. Keep your eyes peeled as I am about to unfurl into the web yet another blog to record for you all of the experiences of me playing with knives.

Charla and Mirna got eliminated on last night's amazing race. I have nothing to live for anymore.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Miss Us Blind

We know that you've been up nights, pacing, wondering why our posts have been, well, sporadic and sparse. The truth is, we've been trying to gradually prepare you for our departure. As of 5pm EST We here at VTB are officially on vacation. We will be on tour, in New England in Rhode Island, Block Island, and the Cape. We will be listining to some good music, kayaking, eating our weight in lobster and steamers, reading mindless trash while sitting on the beach, whale watching, gambling our asses off, attending our first lesbian wedding, and enjoying some well needed and well deserved R & R with the Fabulous Ms. Mo. We will NOT be checking our email, wearing anything that remotely resembles "business casual", thinking in complete sentences or reading your blog.

Have no fear we will be returning on the 16th complete with a shiny new tan, a new outlook on life and stories galore.

In the meantime please take a gander at some of the blogs and links We have taken the time to compile for you under THE BLOGS and THE LINKS. These are good people who deserve your attention. Also feel free to peruse our archives, we've heard they like that. Hell, look at what they're wearing, they've asked for it.


The Voices from the Balcony Team

Tuesday, August 03, 2004


would yall please go to this link, sign up, join ebay and bid on something (you don't have to win), so I can get a free $250 gift certificate to ITunes? Please? Don't make me beg, although I will. You'll be my best friend and I'll let you guest blog for a day.