Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Monday, November 27, 2006

legend... wait for it... ary!!!

Holy Mary Mother of God, what an incredible little thanksgiving vacation* we had.
Wednesday night: we got to spend some wonderful QT with Amy where we shared lots of good conversation, but no carrot cake, leaving us now totally craving said dessert.
Thursday: We headed to the machatunum's house for the big turkey extravaganza, we had wonderful food, and many laughs. Then we got in trouble for smoking pot. Funny, since we don't smoke. We were totally transported back to high school when all of our friends blamed their smelling like smoke on us.
Friday: The transport back to high school was complete with our 10 year reunion. We here at VTB HIGHLY recommend throwing a party with 160 of your closest friends from high school as we totally had a blast. The only problem, sometime on our travel from the party in our living room to the after-party at bed we got separated from our voices. We're still waiting for them to find their way home.
Saturday: We had recap brunch with JL and Dannyboy, went to the park and enjoyed our unbelievably wonderful and unseasonable weather and had dinner to celebrate our poppa's birthday with our nuclear and extended family.
Sunday: Had one of the best shopping days with the LJB, found the perfect winter coat, had our first gingerbread latte of the season, and then went to watch an awesome overtime ranger game(even though they lost)at the garden with the good senor.

seriously. best. weekend. ever. now if we could only figure out where the bruise on our leg the size of texas came from....

* we are perfectly aware how inappropriate it is for unemployed people to use the word vacation, but we don't care

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I don't like the direction you were going to

whoa! so much has happened in the week we were stuck under a rock, or rather stuck travelling back and forth to Rock Land for assorted and sundried reasons...

the democrats took control of congress!
britney told kfed she was divorcing him via text message!
kfed reminded britney that he had a sex tape!

word. hope you didn't miss us too much. as for the "novel" we got over our discouragement and have written quite a bunch more which we will upload either later today or tomorrow...

sadly, we have very little else to report although we did have a strange dream that involved the ex, and friends from college we no longer keep in touch with who were sitting us down for an intervention. does this mean we need to examine our extra-curricular activities a little closer?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

whoops! we meant no offense.

so apparently, there was already an imaginary socialite who blogs out there. apparently she thinks our writing sucks. we're only slightly hurt that she couldn't care for our writing, but we didn't mean any offense by taking her name - so we've moved our apparently weak attempt at chick lit writing to HERE.

ok we may be slightly discouraged by the nasty comments.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Monday Morning quarterback

we don't have all that much time today, so we're going to hit you with some things we learned this weekend bullet point style... have a problem with that?
  • We learned that Upper West Siders in their natural habitat aren't nearly as annoying as they are everywhere else.
  • We learned that The Park is a good place to go if you want to spend 7 bucks on a Corona
  • We learned that even though we swore we wouldn't wind up HERE again we gladly go anywhere for a VTB favorite's birthday party
  • We learned it is best to blame your dirty dirty whoring ways on the one shot of SoCo and lime you had amongst the many many belvedere and tonics.
  • We learned that the HFT is one big ball of ironic hilarity. We also learned she's not doing it on purpose.
  • We learned that you should never attempt to cross 72nd St. when 50 UPS trucks carrying marathoners' gear is headed into the park. We also learned taking pictures of said trucks passes the time quite nicely:

  • We learned that Chiropractor Twins make excellent brunch partners.
  • We learned that once you have "Holiday Road" in your head it is IMPOSSIBLE to get it out
  • We learned that softballs leave nasty marks when hurled into your back from the outfield as you run towards home plate
  • We learned that writing with a hangover the size of Texas can be difficult. (we did push through though, edited what was already written and added quite a bit more - go ahead and READ.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Got nothing better to do?

Here it is. The first 3500 words of this year's attempt at a novel. Tell us what you think! Also, for those of you who know our editor, this may seem like a thinly veiled memoir, but we promise its more of a thickly veiled memoir. besides, didn't you always want a character to be based on you??? we're just saying.

enjoy. we'll also throw the link over there under links, so you can continue to read as we continue to write. unless its so bad you have no interest. which it could be. feedback is welcome.

You’re a teaser, you turn ’em on
Leave them burning and then you’re gone

Dear MTA,

We've known each other for quite some time now, no? Ok granted there were a few years when we left you for the rickety service of the MBTA, but that was a brief mistake. You generally are there when I need you, at 4 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, or 6 in the evening there's always at least a chance you'll show up. But we have to say you're a fickle, fickle beast and sometimes this push, pull thing you do is just to much for our fragile, fragile hearts.
Now we understand, that even the best of subway lines need repairs sometimes, that in order for you to transport us around this metropolis your rails sometimes need a face lift, or a tummy tuck, or whatever the appropriate plastic surgery reference would be, but our hearts and souls can only take so much of what this construction does to our evenings. Last night for example, you lifted us to a new high, when in a stoke of luck we caught both the C and the connecting F trains immediately and made it from our humble abode in BedStuy to the LES in exactly 17 minutes. We even skipped from the subway exit to the bar. OK we don't really skip, but we in our heads we were skipping. In any case we were overjoyed.
Then, after a few protein shakes with the good CMoss and a run in with two strapping young lads in front of Fat Baby, we headed back to you, sure that you would take us home swiftly. Ahh, how you proved us wrong. How you kept us waiting for an F train for twenty minutes. Then had three more of your F trains fly by as we waited for your C train for another 40. The same trip that took us under twenty minutes to take earilier in the evening took us over an hour and twenty minutes at 1 in the morning. That's just not nice. I don't want our relationship to end. But this manic depressive behavior your exhibiting affects not only you but others as well. Please get it checked out for the benefit of all of us.

In love and worry,

The Voices From the Balcony Team

Thursday, November 02, 2006

plot anyone?

soooo behind on the novel so i'm gonna make this brief before i try and pound out 3500 words today... here i am minding my own business, trying to find a job, while simultaneously writing the great american novel in less than 30 days, and sitting next to me are others trying to get their novel done as well. except, they aren't writing, so much as they are running some sort of support group and talking too much. how did i manage to stumble into this? and why don't they just shut up? they're distracting the hell out of me.

had to vent. sorry. back to the novel. as soon as its come together in any sort of reasonable facsimile of something anyone other than me would want to read without gouging their eyes out, i'll put it online and send you the link.

hugs and kisses,
your fearless vtb editor