Bitter Cynical Rants from One as Snarky as Waldorf and As Sexy as Statler.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

explain please!

so today here at my job its bring your daughters and sons to work day. When did that happen? Doesn't that sort of defeat the whole purpose of the day to begin with???

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Think Globally; Eat Locally

Its been a while, I apologize, work has me swamped and my computer was down for four days last week as it had 3 trojan loaders and 92 viruses. This left me no way or chance to write. I'm sure you're over it.

The news - this externing thing gets better and better. Last night, Chef grabbed me almost as soon as I walked through the door, had me wrap up hotel pans of the oh-my-god-to-die-for macaroni and cheese with truffles, and pushed me back out the door and into a cab. Where were we headed - why HERE of course. We were one of the restaurants participating. It was awesome, I got to meet some great chefs - Anita L0, Pichet Ong - and try some fabulous food and wine, including this raspberry granita dessert from Bouley that I swear had liquid crack in the center. All in all- good times.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

coming out of my cage and i've been doing just fine

we could talk to you about how we were dragged to albany on sunday and monday for business and how much that sucked. we could talk to you about the white smoke in rome signifying a new pope. we could talk to you about the yankees and their suckage regardless of the trouncing they put on the devil rays last night. we could talk to you about how awesome working at butter has turned out to be. we could talk to you about how on friday night we ran into the bartender from verlaine at inoteca, and he not only recognized us but had a drink with us, leading us to question both how much time we spend on the LES and how much we drink. we could talk to you about the weather and how fabulous it is that we're in a tank top and flip flops in April, and we'd be remiss if we didn't tell you that today was free ice cream cone day at Ben and Jerry's as its always been our job to inform you of the free ice cream, but you see we're distracted.

distracted by our latest crush. we shall call her Mrs. Robinson, although we could just as easily call her Jessica Stein. and despite the fact that almost everything about the situation screams bad news (or maybe because it does), we're totally enthralled. we're endeared by her neuroses, awed by her taste in music, amazed by her total disinterest in all things pop culture, and impressed by her talents. did we mention she's a nice jewish girl? we're so headed for trouble on this one.

oh and an addendum... if you must drunk text, try not to drunk text your friend's boyfriend. trust us again.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

holy braindead, batman!

Wowsa. I was at the restaurant last night until 12:15 or so. Thankfully one of the chefs lives in my neighborhood and so graciously offered me a ride home. How nice to be in a car, not a subway car, not a taxi. The problem with this schedule is that i've got that groggy hangover feeling without having had the ridiculous night of drinking. The plus is I think I've learned more since I've started than I did the entire time I was in culinary school - blisters, burns and braindeadness aside.

Also, I have given the current job my notice. Its real now, I'm officially leaving here to embark on yet another profession, and yet another degree. That 5-degree-by-the-time-i'm-30 joke is beginning to look less and less like a joke as the 4th one is about to begin and will be completed at 28. What can I say, when it comes to careers, I'm kind of a commitment-phobe.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


the externship officially began last night. all i have to say is i spent enough time cutting carrots into a perfect small dice that a blister formed on my finger then popped, then bled, and i continued to dice. it was that kind of night. 4 nights a week - 7 hours. my work day is now 15 hours long. so long sunshine.

Friday, April 08, 2005


Before June 1, I had to:

1. Finish culinary school - CHECK!
2. Find and begin externship - CHECK!
3. Find a job - CHECK!
4. Find an apartment - CH--ok, well, this one I cant check off yet

BUT did you see that number three, did you read it correctly? That's right, I've gotten a job! This means some very important things - I'm staying in the eNwhYCee, I will be making MORE money, I will have my summers OFF, I don't have to spend weeks sending out resumes and going on interviews and I can focus on the last task at hand.

Clearly this means another round of celebrations! Good thing poker has been resurrected complete with Fajitas and 'Ritas.

So in brief, let's recap the kickass week that we here at VTB have had - we became karaoke rockstars and had a most awesomest birthday party, we won $425 in our NCAA pools thanks to those Tarheels, we heard that we got this new job we've been praying for and there were two, count 'em, two 70 degree days... really who could ask for anything more.

We seriously hope you have had as kickass a week as we did!

Monday, April 04, 2005

I need a pick up and I don't mean truck
Rock out with your cock out

One of the best parts of spring (besides the weather, the beginning of baseball, and the re-emergence of short skirts) is that it stays later longer thanks to the pivoting of the earth and changing the clocks back from daylight savings. Seriously though, this hour lost has really screwed with our ability to sleep, and considering we generally only get four hours of sleep a night losing one is a really big deal. So today we're sluggish, forgive us. Some things to note:
  • Welcome back New York Yankees! Nice game last night -way to get off on the right foot. When can we see Tino back at first?
  • Run, Don't walk to see Sin City. What a freakin' incredible movie. Have we mentioned how hott Jessica Alba and Rosario Dawson are?
  • We saw Girl Next Door last night. Elisha Cuthbert. We get it now. We finally get it.
  • We were correct about the Karaoke and the Sparks - it can lead to trouble, but it can also lead to rockstar status, we highly suggest you give it a shot. Give us a call if you do.
And now for a little life lesson brought to you by your friendly neighborhood editors of VTB:

Don't drunk text message, it can be as dangerous as drunk dialing. If you must drunk text message, make sure that text message goes to the intended party (No matter how Freudian your mistake may be). Trust us on this one.